A Personal Experience
Of the Rising Kundalini
OPENING THE THROAT CHAKRA
TIME FRAME 1988-1992
The fifth chakra governs creativity and I had lots of space for that as my new home was much bigger than my old one, and I had only brought only the best of my furniture. I was to live here with the children another year before my husband returned to work again in Los Angeles, but he loved the house as much as I did.
Along with my new home I gained a new spiritual teacher. I was introduced to him through one of my mentors at school who had helped me greatly in learning to control the rush of psychic abilities that were freed when I cleared my emotions.
This new teacher taught the pathway to Soul and introduced me to a whole new network of inner Guides with whom I could communicate. I had gained a degree of mastery over my emotions when Kundalini was in my second chakra and a degree of mastery over my thoughts when Kundalini was in my third chakra. The opening of the lower heart chakra allowed me to live in a higher octave of the love vibration. Therefore, I could communicate easily and more clearly with higher and higher dimensions.
Upon each of the planes of the fourth dimension there are Mystery Temples where I would go during sleep, and in meditation, to learn and to grow. I voraciously read all the information that this path offered and integrated the lessons into my own consciousness by writing short stories. However, when I met my new teacher, an old pattern returned as with all of the spiritual teachers I had had, I placed them upon a pedestal of perfection.
Then when I realized that, no matter how high they were spiritually, they were still human and had problems like the rest of us. Then, they would crash from their pedestals and I would be disillusioned. The reality is, I was still trying to escape the third dimension and all of its inherent problems and weaknesses. I was still seeking the perfect place where I could go in order to mark me perfect.
During the opening of my fifth chakra, my careers blossomed. I gained more and more psychotherapy clients while my audiology remained constant. I had money, lots of it, but I also had debts, lots of them. My journey of self-discovery continued and as I taught others I learned more about myself. I settled into a comfortable pattern and stayed there until a little voice whispered in my ear, “You haven’t made a change for a long time,”
My daughter went off to college the same year that my husband came back to Los Angeles and we had only one teen at home. I worked hard, but I had time to go to my son’s athletic events, take art classes and travel.
Sometimes I looked in the mirror and realized that facing my depression, that is having my depression and its lowered levels of sensation, had been fattening. With the depression pretty well managed and my thyroid gland activated by the Kundalini, I was able to lose weight and keep it off—until menopause.
However, my body did have more to say to me about the stress of ten years of hard work. What it had to say was, “When you are asleep you can’t hide your stress and you grind your teeth. When you grind your teeth, you crack them. When you crack them, eventually you get an abscess.”
Nothing I had experienced was as painful as an abscessed tooth. And I had two of them. One abscess flared during a thirteen-hour international plane flight. There was nothing I could do but take Tylenol and hold an ice pack to my face. The other abscess pestered me for months; I was saving money and being in denial. Eventually, the pain into a 1:30 AM call to the dentist. “Take it out,” I cried. “Don’t try to save it, just take it out. I can’t stand the pain.”
With both painful experiences, my “imagination” kept projecting a scene of myself in some ancient time telling a secret which I had vowed to keep. It seems that many others suffered from my action. My memory also raced through time after time when I was unable to allow my true self to be expressed. I felt the inner pain of squelching my pure creative force for fear that I would be judged. And who was my greatest critic? Me!
What did the pain mean? Hadn’t I released my pain yet? The answer was NO. Becoming a spiritual being does not mean that you cease being human. The spiritual path is not an escape. It is not a recipe for perfection. The spiritual path is a commitment to face all of your Self so that you can FEEL all of your self, even if it hurts. Then, and only then can you learn to love your self?
My final initiation was to learn that until I could love my Self I could not creatively express it. I could assist others by giving service, listening and communicating intimately—about them. But I could not release the creative force that was ME. I was afraid. I was afraid that THEY would judge me. Unfortunately, the “they” that had once been outside of me had taken permanent residence inside my head. It was the pain that made me realize that fact.
In some other reality I had “let my truth out”, but I had done so in a manner that had hurt many others. I had suffered greatly for that mistake, as it was a lesson I had brought in with me to this life. I had to live my childhood in an environment where “I” was different and not quite “good enough”. I learned very young to keep my Self a secret. But now, it was longing for expression so intensely that it hurt.
I had been journaling since the early eighties, and it had been slowly evolving to short stories and poems. It was in 1992 that the dam burst. I was leaving for Kauai, Hawaii the next day and looking for a journal to pack. I found an old one that had the beginnings of a story, which I believed to be a past life. I read the first paragraph and thought to add a sentence or two. Well, hours later I put the pen down.
For the entire vacation, story after story—life after life, came through like a storm. (Interestingly enough, a week after we left Kauai, was hit by a devastating hurricane.) As I furiously wrote my stories, I deeply, intimately FELT all the emotions. I lived and relived the people on the page.
I wrote, painted, lay on the beach and swam in the warm ocean. One day while swimming, I decreed that these stories would one day be a book. I called to my Higher Guidance to give me diligence to complete my task and courage to present my SELF when the task was completed.
That book is Visions from Venus. I started writing it in 1992 and got it published in 2001. For my final initiation I learned that the core of creativity is PATIENCE.