HOW TO BE SMARTER THAN YOU WERE AS A CHILD
THE CHILD CREATES THE CORE BELIEF
This is the story of a group of children who each live inside their adults. These children have a great deal of power because most of the adults that they live in don’t know that they are there. And, worst of all, they don’t realize that the children are the ones who have programmed their minds. The adults think that they did it.
These children have tried to tell their adults that they are in them, but the adults refuse to listen. They are too “busy.” Well, the children are busy too. They have to make sure that the program they wrote in order to survive a situation in which they had NO power keeps functioning exactly as it has for decade, after decade, after decade.
Now, these children are very smart. They looked around at the world that they lived in, figured out the family rules, even the unspoken ones, and made a program to protect themselves from getting in trouble. Generally, these programs worked pretty well, but sometimes the parents kept changing the rules. Then, the kids still got in trouble.
That is why some kids are “bad.” Their parents were just too unpredictable and their environment too changing. But even if they couldn’t stay out of trouble, this was often because it was a family rule for them to be “bad,” they could usually come up with a program to protect themselves.
These programs worked so well that they became core beliefs. So what is a core belief? A core belief is a program that a child created that served to protect them in the situation in which they lived. It is too bad that the children who created these core beliefs don’t know that the situation has changed now. I wonder why their adults haven’t told them.
The answer is simple. The adults don’t know that the children even live in them. Unfortunately, even if the adult does know about his or her child, the adult tends to treat the inner child exactly the way their parents treated them as children. So, even though the adult that the child lives in has changed his or her life, the child’s environment is the same. Will these children ever get what they need?
Sam was adopted because his parents could not have children. However, shortly after they adopted him, his mother became pregnant. Then Sam had a sister. Whether, his mother actually favored his sister, or if Sam just believed it, made no difference to him. Sam felt like he could not get his mother’s love and he settled for getting her attention. He “tried” to be good, but to him it appeared that he only got her attention when he was “bad”. Therefore, Sam decided to be bad!
Also, Sam’s mother was a very nervous woman who showed no emotions and did not nurture Sam. Sam wanted to save his mother from her difficult life, but he could not even save himself because he had decided to be bad in order to get her attention.
“I feel that my life is a struggle because I am alone and nobody cares about me. I feel hopeless. I am on parole, I am a drug addict, and I don’t have anything to look forward to. I live in a “sober living house” and have little freedom. I feel like I am going backwards.”
Sam’s Core Belief is:
“Life is a struggle.”
Sam saw that his mother’s life was a struggle and he couldn’t help her or even make her happy. The only time that she even seemed to care about him was when he was in trouble. Sam wanted his mother’s love more than positive reinforcement from others. Therefore, he was ALWAYS in trouble.
Sam’s father also gave him attention for being in trouble by constantly bailing him out. The reality is that Sam’s life was easy. He did not have to have a job, pay his rent, or get along with his boss. Sam’s entire “struggle” was with trying NOT to be bad. At the same time, he feared that he was on his own and that no one would care for him. He reinforced that belief by picking fights with everyone who tried to help him.
Sam was unable to release his core belief. His addiction to cocaine robbed him of ALL his personal power. Whenever he started to experience success, he sabotaged himself. He even rode his bike in front of a car (an accident). Then he was in trouble again and had to be taken care of by others.
Sam created a core belief of “life is a struggle” so that he could get attention and love, but the negative core belief that got him attention as a child robbed him of any happiness in his adult life.
Sandy is the older of two daughters. Her father traveled all week long and Sandy was alone with her mother and younger sister. Sandy’s mother became very ill and actually died while Sandy was “taking care of her”. Sandy’s father continued to work out of town, even after her mother died, and left 11-year-old Sandy home alone to take care of her younger sister. Sandy lived in constant fear that the authorities would find out and put her and her sister in an orphanage.
“If something wrong happens, it is my fault. As a child I felt that that everything was my fault and my father always reminded me that that was true. Therefore, I tried to do everything perfect. I kept the house perfect, got perfect grades, and was a perfect leader at school. But, no matter what, my father always found something wrong with what I did.”
Sandy’s Core Belief is:
“It is all my fault.”
Sandy’s core belief kept her constantly vigilant so that she would not have to leave her home. Today, her father would be put in jail for abandonment, but it was several decades ago and in another country. Sandy’s core belief also kept her very busy working, which protected her from the secret fear that it was “her fault” that her mother died.
Sandy learned responsibility at a very young age and was able to have a successful life, but she was very controlling because she had to make sure that EVERYHING was perfect. However, when her adult was able to console her 11 year old self and tell her that it was NOT her fault that Mom died, she was able to release her old core belief. Now Sandy has learned to relax and have a happier life.
THE ADULT LIVES, AND RE-LIVES THE LIFE ISSUE
Don’t the adults see that the same life issues seem to re-appear over and over again? Well, of course, they do. But it’s not their fault. They are “trying” as hard as they can! If only they could speak to their child. Perhaps then they could learn about the first time that this problem arose and about the mental program that the child created to protect them from it. Then the adults would no longer be victims to their lives. If the adults spoke to their child, they could remember how it all began. Then they could see how they create the very life issues that they busily try to avoid.
Now, why would one want to create a problem for themselves? The answer is–because it isn’t really a problem. Actually, what is happening is that a life lesson is being played over and over until it is solved. However, the adults are unaware of what the original lesson was and it has become more difficult to discern the lesson after it has been repeated so many times. Like a Xeroxed copy that has been duplicated too many times, the original message becomes more and more difficult to understand each time it is played out.
Along with this group of children is a very brave group of adults who are willing to listen to the child inside of them. Perhaps, they can find out how and why they created these core beliefs. These beliefs have been the template for the “problems” that they have repeated more times than they would wish to count. They are now willing to acknowledge how smart their child was and to thank them for creating a program which served as protection.
These courageous adults are now willing to take responsibility for creating the life which they live. They are ready to communicate with their inner child to discover how these old core beliefs were created and how they have served as a foundation for the creation of their life issues that have returned-again and again and again…
Once we have decided to communicate with our child, we must be patient. Old core beliefs have served as “survival mechanisms,” and they are not easily released.
EXAMPLES: (Different names were given to protect the individuals’ privacy.)
Matt has a genetic degenerative disease. His older brothers both had this same disease, and when Matt was about seven years old he started to have symptoms himself. However, everyone in his large family hoped that if they ignored the fact that Matt was having these symptoms, maybe the symptoms would go away. Matt felt like they wanted him to “go away”. He was afraid that he had disappointed his family by getting the disease so he denied the symptoms as well.
Everyone’s denial did not work. The symptoms continued into Matt’s adolescence. When Matt began to fall down on a regular basis, Matt’s mother didn’t want him to get hurt or be embarrassed at school. Therefore, since she did not feel there were other options, she kept Matt home from school from the time he was 11 until he was about 14. The family then moved to Los Angeles where greater education and services were available and Matt began to get some help. However, the child inside of him had already learned to be invisible.
Matt’s Core Belief:
“I am unworthy.”
“I am invisible and I don’t matter. I’m having a hard time talking about why I believe that I am unworthy. I feel like I am invisible because no one wanted to see that my soul was screaming, ‘I’m lonely. I need you. What is happening to me? What did I do so wrong to deserve what is happening to me? I’LL BE GOOD!'”
The Child speaks:
“I feel like I don’t fit in. It is hard for me to believe that I deserve anything or that I have any worth. I don’t believe that I’m smart enough or that I deserve good things. I guess I never expect anything and I know that nothing is expected of me.”
Matt’s Life Issue:
“I don’t fit in.”
The adult Matt takes responsibility:
These adults are willing to see how they have created, precipitated, perpetuated, and allowed these life issues in their realities in order to survive their environment and to protect their inner child.
· Most life issues were actually created in childhood and then they are continued until the negative core belief is replaced with a positive core belief.
· Keeping the underlying core belief unconscious where it can covertly influence our behavior precipitates life issues.
· We perpetuate that life issue by behaving the same way over and over again.
· We allow the behavior and life issue to continue because it feels normal.)
Matt, how have you created your life issue?
The genetic disease created the problem. I felt like I didn’t fit in because my disease made me different. And, because of my disease, I felt unworthy. If the disease were not there, I still might have felt I didn’t fit in, but there is no way to test that theory.
How have you precipitated your life issue?
Because I felt unworthy, I withdrew from others. The more I withdrew, the more insecure and fearful I felt. Then I pushed people away from me, which made me feel lonely. Then, because I was so lonely, I felt like I didn’t “fit in”.
How have you perpetuated your life issue?
I felt like something was wrong with me, I felt uncomfortable with my physical condition. This made other people feel uncomfortable. When I make others feel uncomfortable, I felt like I didn’t fit in
How have you allowed your life issue?
I ignored the Soul inside of me. Therefore, others ignored it as well. Then I felt like no one knew or understood me, and not fitting in became normal.
How did your core belief of being unworthy protect you when you were a child and as an adult?
I did not feel worthy enough to go out into the world because I knew that I was different and would not fit in. Therefore, it protected me from the hardships of life. Because my family denied that there was a problem, so did I. However, as I had more and more symptoms, I felt like “defective merchandise”. I could not control what was happening to my body so how could I have control of my life? As long as I believed that I was unworthy and I could not fit in, I did not have to try to take control of my life and face possible failure.
Matt, your child has had no one to talk to. Would you like to talk to him now?
“Yes I would. I see the child in front of me. He is about seven or eight years old. He is sitting in a chair in front of me and is wearing a blue shirt. ‘I am you, all grown up,’ I say to him as I look deeply into his eyes. From my wheelchair we are at the same level. “I have come inside myself today to find you and tell you what a good job you have been doing taking care of me.
“My child is quiet for a very long time. I wait patiently.”
The Child Responds:
“I don’t know if I can believe this man. He scares me because he has a wheelchair like my big brothers. I guess it must be true that I have to have one too when I grow up. I don’t ever want to grow up! I will stay a child forever and ever.”
“You can stay a child forever. I will be the one in the wheelchair and you can stay a child. You can still walk and run. I can help you to be a child by making sure that you have childhood experiences like playing outside with your friends. I could never do that and I always felt lonely. I don’t want you to feel lonely.”
The Child Responds:
“But what if I fall?”
“Children fall all the time. It is all right. You go play now and I will sit over here and watch you play with your friends. If you get scared, just come to me and I will give you a big hug. You are special and you will grow up to be a strong young man. You can do anything that you want. Don’t forget that. I will help you!”
Matt watches his child playing until it is time to exchange core beliefs. Then Matt calls the child over to him and gives him a hug.
“I will be taking care of you and you don’t need to believe that you are unworthy anymore. I hear your calls and I want to support you.
“The child pulls away from me. I can tell that he is afraid to trust me enough to give up a belief that has served him so well. He is afraid that if he doesn’t feel like he is unworthy, he will try many new things and get hurt.
“Matthew,” I say as I pull him close to me again and give him a warm hug, “Let us have a trial period. You trust me for just a little while and I will check up on you all the time to see if you are O.K. Is that fine with you?”
The Child Responds:
“But I am afraid of change. If I change I won’t know what will happen. I don’t know any other way of being.”
“Try it for just one month – thirty days. I will check up on you every day and tell you that I love you and that you are important in my life. I promise.
“The child gives me a hug and runs away to his friends. He has decided to trust me. But now I am afraid. I am afraid that I will disappoint him. I remember now how I used to insult him so often in my mind. I hated him because I hated my life at that time. No wonder it was so difficult for him to trust me.
“Can I keep my word? Can I forgive myself for how I have treated him? I remember now when I was an adolescent and was beginning to become an adult. I hated my developing body. If I became an adult, my disease would get worse. I was right. But it wasn’t the child’s fault, or the teenager’s fault, or my fault.
“I will now forgive myself for growing up, my child for staying young, and my teenager for being in the middle. We are, after all, one person. I now take my new protection. This protection comes to me by listening to my Soul. My new protection is SPIRITUAL. With my spiritual protection I can listen to my Soul. There is nothing wrong with my Soul. My Soul will continue to give me the courage to feel comfortable with myself. Then others will feel comfortable with me as well. Then I WILL “fit in”.
(Matt is wheelchair bound and cannot even “transfer” with assistance. However, he lives alone in a home, which he owns, and works full time. He pays an assistant to assist him before work and bed. Other than that, he lives an independent and successful life.)
(Annie has very different reasons for having the same core belief.)
Annie is a middle child. Her older sister was a “star” and her younger brother was charismatic, at least as a child. Her home life and childhood were happy for her. She had no apparent reason to feel that she was unworthy which only increased her guilt.
Annie went to college to enter the profession of her parents. She then married her high school boyfriend and had two children. It was not until her divorce that she began to deal with the fact that she believed that she was “not worthy”.
“I’m not a special person. I’m not bad, but there’s truly nothing special, unique or attractive about me. I don’t draw people to me and when I am in a large group at a party or social event, I’m uncomfortable. I am horribly embarrassed to be alone, but I fear going up and meeting anyone.
“Unless I have a context: I’m someone’s sister, I’m a professional educator, or I’m a mother, I don’t feel comfortable. My weight is a big issue for me. I feel I am not physically attractive and I can’t imagine another person wanting to spend time with me. My experience has always been that my most positive relationships have been based on my meeting other’s needs. I don’t always know how to meet my own needs and when I do, or when I ask others to, I feel tremendous guilt. I am certain that I don’t deserve to ask for what I want or to even get it for myself.
“I can’t have a positive relationship with myself or with others in my personal life. However, I have a good relationship with those that I work with, my children, and my sister. But then I have a context. I don’t have to be me. I can be the person that I am to them. Who is the person that I am to myself? I fear that I abandoned myself in order to make others love me!”
Annie’s Core Belief:
“I am not worthy.”
The Child Speaks:
The child does not want to talk.
The Adult Annie takes responsibility:
Annie’s Life Issue:
“I can’t have a happy relationship.”
Q) Do you know how you created your life issue?
“I have such negative self-talk that I can’t have a relationship with myself. I don’t trust and respect my feelings enough to believe that my thoughts are as worthy as others. I also have negative thoughts about others as well.
“Because of my negativity, I never choose to have a relationship but feel like I must wait for someone to choose me. I therefore give away my control of who I am with. If I can’t even choose who the relationship is with, how could I ever get my needs met and actually be happy?”
Q) How do you precipitate your life issue?
“I am the passive one in the initiation of a relationship. I indulge in too many passive activities such as TV watching, or reading and I don’t pursue a relationship with myself. Therefore, I live vicariously through books, movies, my kids, or my sister.”
Q)How do you perpetuate your life issue?
“I am afraid of rejection so I stay away from people. Then I am always alone. When I am always alone, I feel like it is because I can’t have a happy relationship.”
Q)How do you allow your life issues?
“I don’t engage my warrior to battle my fears and to stand up for myself. Since I don’t fight for myself, no one knows who I am or what I need. Therefore, no one can make me feel like I am in a happy relationship.”
Q)How did your core beliefs protect you as a child?
“I was wedged between Wonder Girl and Super Son. If I did not feel worthy than I did not have to enter into competition with them. Therefore, I could not lose. If you don’t play the game, then you don’t lose. My experience was that when my true self came out, and I opened up too much and become too active, or assertive, then people didn’t like me.
“Therefore, I believed no one should see all of me. I had to control part of me because if I were free, loose, and open people wouldn’t like me. Deep down, I believed that I was worthless and I feared letting others know. So, I withheld myself and become passive until people in my life told me what THEY wanted. Then I wouldn’t feel unworthy.”
Q)What is another way in which you can protect yourself?
“I can let my child have her true emotions with a person who is loving and safe, such as myself. I can allow the child to have her dreams and desires and I can keep a sacred trust with her. I will not divulge her secrets to anyone until I know that they will be supportive. ”
Q)Annie, would you like to talk to your child?
“Yes, but I know that will have to assertively pursue my child. Actually, when I first go inside myself, I see two children. One is about three years old. She seems happy and open. The other child is older, maybe 6 years old, and is in a soft flowing dress. She has a softer appearance and is often hiding her face in the shadows or in the lines of her hair as it falls across her face when she looks down. They both stare straight ahead, watching me from the corner of their eyes, but the younger one occasionally meets my gaze directly. The older one shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot. Neither one of them trusts me. But, they don’t want me to leave either.
“The 3 year old seems to represent the few times that I have been spontaneous and open. She seems to come out when I am angry or slightly drunk. Most of the time, however, I am more like the older child, timid and vulnerable. I show to the world and, usually choose to be, the older child because it is safer. The younger child comes out like bursts of fire. But when the smoke clears, I am usually more comfortable with the older child’s approach.
“I will talk to the 6 year old, as she is the one who needs me most. ‘Hi. I am you all grown up.'”
The Child does not respond.
“I know you are scared of me and I can tell that you wish that I would go away, but I want to be with you. Can I stay and talk to you?”
The Child does not respond.
“Well, it’s a good sign that you didn’t move away. I want to get to know you better. I want to talk to you about your fears. I want to touch you and protect you. Can I stay with you?”
The Child does not respond.
“It is okay if you don’t want to talk. I’ll talk if you like. But, I want you to know how special you are to me. I know that you’re afraid to talk to me, but I hope that you will trust me soon. Nothing you say to me will be bad. My joy is in knowing everything about you, even the things that make you scared or angry or feel pain. Because I can feel that you have so much to say — so much to give — I will wait until you are ready.”
The Child does not respond.
“I won’t go away. I won’t leave you. I won’t become silent or make you feel bad because of what you say or do. The more you give to me, the more I will love you. My love will grow with the weight of your gifts to me. All your ideas, thoughts, feelings, and actions are like breaths of clean air. I will breathe them in and fill myself with the love you give me. Everything you give me is love. Can you do that? It doesn’t have to be all at once. It can come slowly or quickly. Give what you can, because I will always be here and I will always receive everything you have to give with love, appreciation and gratitude. I love you.”
The Child Responds:
“I want to do what you say. I want to trust you. But, I don’t know if I can. You say that you will love me, but I can feel when you don’t. You might not say anything bad, but I’ll feel it. I’ll see it written on your face. You’ll hate me or become bored or disappointed. I don’t ever want to see you hate me.”
“I understand. You are what you have experienced and you have experienced the disappointment of hate from others. I know that you have a right to be distrustful of me, but I am not like the others. I am not carrying what they are carrying. I am you! I am what you can be when you are free to open yourself up to your own truth. You see you have only realized such a small part of yourself.
“I can see so much more of your light. But, it’s hidden and you have had to protect it from the world. That is why I’m here. I want to be here for you. I want to see all of your light (the black and the white light) and embrace it for the goodness that it is. Because it is you, it is valuable. I can help you by being your partner. Please share yourself with me.
“In exchange for the protection that you get for believing that you are ‘unworthy’, I can offer my friendship so that you and I can have a relationship. Would you be willing to make that exchange?”
The Child Responds:
“I don’t know. How can I trust you? Why should I trust you? How can I go against all of my training, all of my beliefs?”
“What do you need from me so that you can trust me?”
The Child Responds:
“I need time and proof. I need a change of experience and I need your patience. If I give you a little, I need to wait and see what happens. Then maybe, I’ll give a little more. I don’t know. I don’t just want to close my eyes and fall backwards without a net. Maybe you won’t catch me. So, it is going to have to be slow.”
“I will give you all that you ask for.
“As I say this sentence, I see images of her testing me. She falls backwards and looks to see if I am there. She keeps falling or jumping off of a cliff to see if I will catch her. I keep catching her and she keeps jumping. She is not convinced.
“Dear child inside of me, I want you to know that I acknowledge how brave you are to take such risks and how careful you are in making a commitment. I will use those portions of yourself in my adult life.”
The child responds with a shy look, but holds back.
“It is a good first step. The child is glad I’m here and that we are sharing what she has gone through-what I have gone through as well. She feels better now that I have acknowledged her strength and ability to take risks. I wonder if she wants more from me.”
The Child Responds:
“Yes. I want what you promised. I want attention, acceptance, support, and unconditional love. I want you to acknowledge that I am valuable to you. I want ALL of that.”
“Yes, you shall have it all. And best of all, you shall have a new core belief. That belief is-NO MATTER WHAT, I AM ALWAYS VALUABLE – TO MYSELF AND TO OTHERS.”
(Annie is now happily married. She and her husband have an intimate, communicative relationship. Between them they have five children.)
(When we believe that we must ignore the part of us that we like the best, we will NOT feel “good enough”.)
Lilly grew up in a small farm town. She was an “accident” and her mother went away to “have her” and put her up for adoption. When Lilly was born, her mother returned home and left Lilly in an orphanage. No one adopted her. Then her grandmother brought her home. Lilly’s mother married a man (not the father) so that he could take care of her and her baby. Unfortunately, Lilly had already spent her first few vital months alone and unloved.
Lilly’s mother was not happy and broke many small town rules of behavior. The town watched Lilly VERY carefully to see if she would turn out like her mother. Lilly was the oldest of many siblings. Her father was loving, and kind to all of them, but was not able to provide much money for the large family. Lilly took on much of the responsibility of her younger siblings while she determined to prove to the town that she was “good enough”.
Lilly’s Core Belief:
“I am not good enough.”
“I must sacrifice myself so that others can get what they need. I used to believe that I was unworthy, but now I believe that I am worthy, but I am just not good enough to get what I need. I grew up in a large Southern Baptist family in ‘Podunck’, Farmland USA. It was a ‘sin’ there for me to believe that I had LIGHT.
“When I was a child, I had many experiences of a great white light that came to me. When I described these experiences to other people, they ridiculed me. Gradually, I became afraid when the white light came thundering to me because it made me feel too different. Therefore, when the white light came, I began to hold my ears and close my eyes so that I couldn’t hear the loud noise or see the bright light.
“I thought that if the noise stopped and I couldn’t see the white light anymore I would be accepted by everyone. But another side of me was angry for stopping the white light, and I lashed out at others and at myself. The conflict between these two parts of myself (the part that stopped the light and the part that was angry because I stopped the light) gave birth to a third me: the ‘I’m not good enough me’. Then the angry me got really angry and said, ‘I don’t want to be not good enough.’
“The first me just wanted everyone inside my head to calm down and deal with it!! ‘You can’t have everything,’ the voice said. ‘If you invite the white light into your life you will be different and no one will want you.’
“However, when I kept the white light out, then I became VERY angry and no one wanted me that way either. Therefore, I had to keep the white light out and not even allow myself to feel how angry that made me. I learned that if I pleased myself, I displeased others. Then, of course, I believed that if I were ‘good enough’ I wouldn’t have that conflict in the first place.”
Lilly’s Life Issue:
” I can’t get what I want.”
Lilly so wanted acceptance and love from the people in her life that she was willing to sacrifice the most important part of herself to get it. However, once she had sacrificed the most important part of herself, she did not have enough power to get what she wanted.
Lilly Speaks to her child:
“How do you feel about the white light? Not how others feel-how you feel?”
The Child Responds:
“The white light takes me traveling. There are beings of love and beauty aboard and I am comfortable and accepted there. I feel intelligent and creative in the white light. I feel strong, beautiful, and powerful, too. In the white light I feel like I have a purpose for existence. My purpose is joy and fellowship with all of life. It is such a feeling of freedom and security.”
“Did you surrender your life purpose when you closed off to the light?”
The Child Responds:
“Slowly, but yes. When I got older, I would lie between the rows of corn planted on our farm and gaze up at the clouds. Then I could have the same feeling as in the white light. The birds and other creatures of nature also gave me joy. But, I stopped spending as much time with nature after I became an adult. I got married and felt that I had to sacrifice myself to make my husband happy.”
“Dear child, are you aware of the fact that the white light chooses very special people who carry great love in their heart? These people are good people who are prone to living a balanced life. Don’t you think, then, that being chosen by the white light is not only an honor but also a sign of utmost respect?”
The Child Does Not Respond:
“I know you gave up the white light because you thought you had to do so in order to be ‘good enough’ for the others who would judge you. You thought that you were protecting yourself from more abandonment and criticism. But maybe it was the white light that comforted you when you were all alone in the orphanage. Maybe you remembered the white light longer than the others around you did, because it was your only comfort when you were an infant.
The Child Does Not Respond:
She looks at the floor and plays with her dress.
Lilly pulls the child close to her and gently directs her face so that she may look into the eyes of her child.
“Honey, does the white light think that you are good enough?”
The Child Responds:
“In the white light, I don’t care what others think.”
The Adult Takes Responsibility:
The Adult Speaks:
“I CREATED my life issue of not getting what I wanted, because I did not believe that I was good enough to get what I wanted and make others happy, as well. I learned that from my mother. She had to sacrifice what she wanted to make my grandmother and me happy. Also, because of my early abandonment, I was afraid to have what I wanted for fear that I might lose it. I would get involved with a man and then I hold myself back because I believed that I was not ‘good enough’. I believed that I had to sacrifice myself so that others could get what “they” needed.
“I PRECIPITATED my life issue because I wanted a man to take care of me financially. I think I wanted that so much because my father did not take care of my mother financially. But then I would feel guilty about wanting that because I loved my father so much. Therefore, I could have a man I loved – OR – I could have a man who provided money. Again, I would have to sacrifice something to get what I wanted. I didn’t deserve to get both because I wasn’t good enough.”
“I PERPETUATED the problem by repeatedly picking a man who would make me feel bad about myself. Then I would hold myself back in my career to ‘make him happy’. Therefore, I could not have enough success or money in my career because I was holding back. Then I would become disillusioned with my life. Since I sacrificed my white light so that “they” would not judge me, I felt like a failure. Then I would pick a man who agreed with my opinion of myself.”
“I ALLOWED this process to continue because I had lost my power when I gave up the white light. Then I was powerless to change my situation, so I just allowed it.”
The Child Responds:
“Are you saying that I am good enough to I have love, and a career, and still have a spiritual creative life for myself?”
The Adult Speaks:
“Yes. You can enjoy a mature relationship, but you will have to love who you are and what you do as well. Pull in the protection of the white light. Then you will not need the protection of believing that you are ‘not good enough’. That belief never protected you any way. The white light will help you to remember your power. Then you can have love, money, a career, and a spiritual life. In fact, it is your spiritual life that will change your core belief. Would you like to choose another core belief?”
The Child Responds:
“Yes! I choose the belief that: I AM GOOD ENOUGH TO DESERVE THE WHITE LIGHT-AND ALL THAT IT BRINGS TO ME.”
Lilly is now in love with someone from the hometown that she ran away from. In loving him, she is learning to love the part of herself that she believed was “not good enough.”