As I listen inside my mind
I realize that
a crowd of ideas
is trying to confuse me.
promises, and dreams
are constantly echoing about
in the inner recesses
of my brain.
How can I still
this crowd of ideas?
How can I center
my self in the midst
of a mental hurricane?
Where has this
storm come from?
Have I not listened
to my “self” before,
or is all this “noise” new?
No, I suspect
it has always been there,
but I have been too busy
listening to the noise without
to hear the noise within.
Well, now I can hear it.
Now, I know it is there.
But how can I master it?
I know I can’t
control the outside voices,
but I must learn to calm
the buzz within.
D0 I need to listen to
the many inner cries,
or should I ignore them as
a mother may ignore
a spoiled child’s
And where am “I”?
this inner circus
must be my SELF.
Somewhere amongst the
“clowns” and “elephants”
there must be a Ringmaster.
Thoughts ~ Learning to Think from Within
Once we have gained the ability to experience our emotions and not repress them or become trapped in them, we find that our thoughts often push us back into negativity. Then, we must remind ourselves to listen to the SELF with whom we are slowly gaining a relationship. When we were repressing, or trapped in, our emotions, it was impossible to hear our thoughts. Once our emotional body has calmed, our thoughts come to our attention.
Can we choose our thoughts or are they our jailer who thrusts our daily portion before us without asking our opinion? The answer is that before we can choose our thoughts, we must learn to listen to them. Only when we can listen can we discriminate between the thoughts we choose to allow to live in our minds and the thoughts that we choose to reject. Furthermore, only when we listen can we discriminate between the thoughts that are ours and the thoughts that we have learned, or taken on, from others.
TAKING THE THIRD STEP
We see the third step before us and instantly recognize the stairway that led up to our college campus and/or first important job. These are the areas of our life in which we first began to learn some mastery over our mind. Our emotions were strong, as we had not yet earned our confidence, and our inner child was not sure if we were “smart enough.” However, the still, inner voice of our SELF told us that we WOULD be successful. We chose to listen to that inner voice. We listened through the disappointments and listened through the challenges as, again and again, we returned to climb these stairs.
For, at the top of this stairway, awaited confidence.
Personal History, Third Step
TIME FRAME 1983-1986
By 1983 I had finished most of my PhD course work, and I was writing my dissertation. I had also begun to see clients. I found that the emotional instincts of the second chakra were quite different from the psychic energy of the third chakra. My experience taught me that the emotional energy of the second chakra is very instinctive and based on action for survival. On the other hand, the psychic energy of the third chakra was more mental and based on thinking before acting.
I learned that the third chakra governs both the power of my own self-awareness and the power in relationships that can result from that self-awareness. In other words, when I was able to use my power to attend to my emotions and listen to my thoughts, I was able to maintain my personal power within relationships. If I had not found my own inner-power, I would find myself in power struggles with others to unconsciously prove to myself that I was powerful enough.
When my SELF began to inhabit my third chakra, I was forming relationships in which I had a great deal of power to influence others. One of the first lessons I had to learn was that people really listened to me. Hence, I had to be “conscious” of that power. This was definitely a time of accomplishments, ego development, self-control, and will power. It was also a time, more than any other, when I was defining myself and standing up for my freedom to be that SELF that I had discovered.
My mind was taking in new information almost faster than I could absorb it. Interestingly, I found myself drawn to the Oriental spiritual path. I studied with a Tai Chi teacher every week, and I also attended weekly meditations with a Taoist teacher. Both of these disciplines focused on slowing down the mind. Tai Chi was especially difficult for me. My teacher kept saying, “Slower, slower, match your mind with the pace of your movement.”
Moving VERY slowly and connecting my mind to each movement was a huge challenge for me. My meditations were also forcing me to remain still in my body to find the stillness of my mind. This stillness allowed me to create a pathway through the oceans of the mid fourth dimensional Emotional Plane and connect with the Mental Plane in the higher fourth dimension. Concurrently, this allowed me to navigate my emotions in my outer world and gain a greater mastery over my mind.
My career life and spiritual life were starting to merge. One of my mentors who was teaching me hypnosis, also taught me automatic writing. This was not the type of automatic writing where another being entered my body, but instead, it was a way to get “out of my own way” and communicate in writing with the world inside of myself. The first person I heard from was my inner child, which I titled, “A Child’s Adventure in Faerie.”
I found that when I wrote my inner guidance, whether it be from a higher dimensional being or a higher dimensional expression of myself, I could get more details and clarity. The writing also assisted me in grounding the information in my everyday world. First I would receive it; then I would re-read it, edit it and expand upon it. Gradually, the communications turned into stories, poems, and eventually, books. But that was later.
My professional world was busy, yet completely fulfilling. This time I had no hidden agenda regarding my graduate school, and my conscious and unconscious mind were in complete agreement. I was being challenged every minute and loving it. I knew that I was following my destiny. This knowledge was soon to be tested.
My mind was great, but my body, as usual, had to take the brunt of my stress. I was working four days a week, finishing my Ph.D., was married, had two teenagers, and my third chakra was giving me every symptom of chronic stress.
My digestion was disturbed, my stomach often upset was and it felt as though I were starting to get an ulcer. There was a constant, uncomfortable feeling in my solar plexus that didn’t go away until I finished school. Then it left. Yes, my SELF had definitely entered my third chakra.
FINAL INITIATION OF THE THIRD STEP
My final initiation for this chakra was the sum-total of all I had learned since I had started my process of awakening. It was time to get my license, and there was a mishap with my records at the state licensing board. The laws were due to change, and if I didn’t sit for the exam at that time, I would have to go back to school to take more classes. That was NOT an option. So, I had to study without knowing whether or not I could take the test. Meanwhile, I was working full time, raising teenagers and haggling with the licensing board about my records.
I had to keep calm or I would not be able to concentrate on my studies. Therefore, I had to use all that I had learned. I had to shift from the “will mode” of: “I will do this” to the allowing mode of: “All I can do, is all I can do.” Just as the sensations my body were concentrated on the area between the third and fourth chakra, my initiation was to leave behind the will mode of the third chakra and move into the heart mode of allowing my life to unfold.
I meditated, did my Tai Chi and yoga, and worked only three days a week. Then I got too “busy” and stopped with my stress maintenance. It all came to a head when I fell apart in front of the entire class, and bashed my car into a post after I hysterically tried to leave the parking structure. Wait a minute. Is this familiar? Have I done this before? When was the last time I had car accidents and was terrified about the outcome of my “final” test? Yes, life is a pass-fail system. Since I had made such a mess of my MA I had to “do it again” with my Ph.D.
The accident got my attention. Five hundred dollars later, I realized that stress maintenance techniques only work if you do them! Well, my mind, and intellect, worked. I passed all my exams and began yet another new life.
Oh, but what about my husband and kids who had been waiting for me to finish school so that they could get more of my attention? That was the lesson of my heart chakra. But I had moved through my lessons of the third chakra, and I stood upon the threshold to the Third Step of Becoming my SELF.
THE THIRD PILLAR OF LIGHT
Together, we step onto the third step to SELF and look into the crystal atop the pillar. Inside we see the face of a lotus flower shinning upon us. We gaze into the flower so deeply that our consciousness falls into the crystal and we are pulled into the water beneath the lotus.
As we adjust our vision, we see that the lotus is far above us floating contentedly upon the surface of the water. We reach for the lotus, but it aloofly floats beyond our grasp. We try to swim to it, but our feet are stuck in the thick mud at the bottom of the pond.
We must wait for that which we perceive as beyond our grasp. As we wait, we try to clear our mind so that negative thinking will not repel that for which we wait, but thoughts of doom circle our mind like a shark in murky waters. Impatience and a growing fear weigh heavily on us and force us deeper and deeper into the mud.
We must learn to be patient. We must learn to calm our thoughts and wait in peace. “The road to illumination is paved with patience,” speaks a voice from deep inside. But time agitates us and the confined space limits us.
Old thoughts trap our mind and ancient emotions keep the water about us churned and muddy. If only we could find Peace—peace of mind and peace of heart. Then we could wait. But what are we waiting for? We do not know the answer, but the question brings us hope. Are we waiting for a reunion? Yes, reunion with our SELF.
We suddenly know that we must allow our feet to root themselves into the earth and wait for the stem of the lotus with an open heart and quiet mind.
As we hold this new thought in our mind, something like peace begins to settle in our heart. We look up to the surface of the water and see that the lotus, once floating freely, is slowly beginning to lower its roots.
Our first instinct is to try to escape the mud and scramble to the surface to grab frantically at whatever we can reach. But something inside quietly reminds us to remain patient, hold the peace and wait with a welcoming heart and calm mind.
We settle in and allow our self the patience to not know how long it will take. As we do so, we notice that the mud feels warm and comforting between our toes. We realize that the water holds us down but also keeps us light and buoyant. Slowly, we move our arms in an undulating fashion and feel the sensate pleasure of the water moving across our skin.
Maybe it isn’t so bad after all. Maybe the wait can actually be pleasant if we are willing to accept “what is” instead of constantly searching for “what might be.” If we can feel the NOW, than maybe we can hold the hope of a beautiful tomorrow and a pain-free yesterday. Yes, to experience the NOW to the fullest. If we can do that, there will be NO wait. There will be NO painful memories from the past or worries about the future.
There will only be the NOW.
Hear The Threshold, performed by Jacqui Callis
What is the reason for my life
and why have I come here
to a world so filled with sorrow,
with anger, and with fear?
Though my thoughts are all confused
I know the answer’s there
for deep inside I hear a call,
but I’m not sure from where.
There is a tranquil message
pulling softly at my mind.
It feels so very loving
and sounds so sweet and kind.
This voice that hears my pain
lives somewhere deep inside.
It hides behind my ego
and is muted by my pride.
This presence is so quiet
whereas others yell and cry.
It wisely gives me reasons
and gently tells me why.
If my mind is calm and centered
it fills my heart with cheer,
but if there is a mental storm
it’s impossible to hear.
“The answers are all known,” it says.
“If you turn your mind around
to see what can’t be seen
and hear what has no sound?”
If the portal to this inner world
lives deep inside my Soul,
then to step across that threshold
is my promise and my goal.