The early morning light
shines through the window
glistening and dancing
across the table.
Now is the time to remember,
remember my SELF.
Now, when the light is near,
I must allow it to enter deep within
to reveal my Soul to
awaken ancient memories
that know all,
For only in
knowing my SELF
can I truly know another.
trusting my SELF
can I truly trust another.
receiving comfort from my SELF
can I truly comfort another.
loving my SELF
can I truly love another.
Relationships ~ Learning to Love Ourselves, Others, and the Planet
Relationships allow us to learn about love and the healing power that it holds. However, whatever conflict we hold inside ourselves will be mirrored in those relationships. Only in forgiving and loving ourselves, both in our past and in our present, can we allow ourselves to trust enough to freely love another. Yes, we must also forgive ourselves for the pain we have suffered within relationships. Trust of another is based on trusting our own instincts and feelings. Because of this, we must forgive ourselves for not knowing, allowing too much or staying too long. When we have learned to truly trust ourselves, we allow ourselves to truly trust another.
Once we have permitted love into our hearts and lives, we begin to realize that each of us is a portion of a greater whole. This whole is our planet. If we do not love our planet, we are not being loving to the people for whom we are creating a safe and beautiful place to live. Once our hearts are filled with love, our sphere of concern widens and a responsibility to all life grows. This responsibility to all life is the dominion of the Goddess.
The Goddess is the beacon of the power of love. This power of love is an energy field, which is not limited to women or even to humans. The power of the Goddess finds our mates, bears our children, and holds our families together. The Goddess nurtures, heals, and grows the seeds of our creativity into manifestation. Men may also live the power of the Goddess, and more of them are doing so every day. Balancing of the God and Goddess within us allows us to create and maintain relationships that are co-operative and peaceful.
TAKING THE FOURTH STEP
We see the fourth step before us. It is the stairway to the home of our family. Can we allow the joy of love to take root in our heart and give birth to all that continues? Or, will we allow the pain of the past to hold us in fear? Every step on this stairway holds a lesson. Can we learn our lessons from the past and release them so that we can live in the NOW? Can we learn how to hold our love completely open—without losing our SELF?
To answer these questions, we must first learn to unconditionally love our self NOW.
Personal History, Fourth Step
TIME FRAME 1985-1988
The opening of the chakra just above it usually precedes the final initiation of a chakra. Therefore, my final initiation for the third chakra was in 1986, but the opening of the fourth chakra first began in 1985 with the death of my beloved grandmother. In fact, both of my grandmothers died that year.
As I was claiming my power, the “grandmother generation” died. This pushed my mother into the “grandmother” role and me firmly into her role as “mother.” The baton was passed on to the next generation, and my power within the family unit increased. Even though I had been a mother for quite some time, now it was time to be a mentor.
The fourth, heart chakra represents our love relationships on a horizontal plane with persons, places, and all life forms as well as our love relationship (or lack of it) for ourselves. The high heart represents our unconditional love on a vertical plane with our higher dimensional guides and higher dimensional expressions of SELF.
The high heart does not totally open until we have traveled into the Crown Chakra to join with our completion, the fifth dimensional expression of our Divine Complement. However, grounding of unconditional love into our third dimensional heart greatly expands our consciousness and heals our “broken heart.” I will talk about the opening of my lower heart here, and later, talk about the experience of opening my high heart.
In 1985 I was still receiving spiritual communications from Long Island, New York. Several of the Ascended Masters who channeled through the Long Island “church” offered a gift to their readers to come into the fourth dimension each night for one month (the harvest month of October) to have one veil of illusion removed per night. I decided to accept that invitation. Each morning I channeled my experiences of the night before. This was my first book, Thirty Veils of Illusion. During this month, my beloved grandmother was dying.
It was as if I was crossing over just like her, only I would still maintain my physical body. As my heart chakra was opening, I was consciously and clearly bridging the gap between my world and the higher worlds. The bridge was not only created with the information that I received, but also with the love that I was able to feel coming to me from the fourth dimension. This experience also gave a voice to my inner SELF that had been silenced by my struggles to “survive” and “fit in.”
I also traveled to Long Island to meet everyone that I had been communicating with for over a decade. Somehow, that experience disillusioned me. They were all “just people.” This was the beginning of a long lesson that I was to learn about integrating the spiritual life into my physical life. Since I was unable to love me for who I was—right now—I needed to believe that all spiritual people where somehow sainted. This belief allowed me to “not be good enough” to be a Master.
I hope that the readers of this journal will see that I am just a regular person. Even though I truly did have all the experiences documented here, it did not make me into a saint or ascended being. It just allowed me to be more of who I always was. Spiritual work does not finish, as it is infinite. However, at that time I could not realize that. I still felt such fear and struggle in my daily life that I had to believe that something wonderful would come along and take it all away.
During the opening of my heart chakra my career life took a back seat to my personal life. My family needed me, and I discovered that I deeply needed them. I also knew that my body needed me too. My immune system was compromised by all my stress, and I greatly needed time to heal my family and myself. I decided to take a few years to work only three days a week, and boy, did I need it for the challenges ahead!
It may have sounded as if I had completely abandoned my family in all my spiritual and career ventures, but that was not true. When I was so busy, people would ask me, “How can you do all this when you have a husband and two children?” I would respond, “It is because of them that I can do all of this.” However, I had been gone too much, both psychically and mentally. We all went to therapy and I tried to do my best to heal whatever wounds I had created by my absence.
One of the main things that I learned was that I had guilt about not being a good mother because I had guilt about not being a good daughter. I also realized that what I had done for myself I had actually done for the family. In allowing myself to follow my inner directions I had been a role model for my children to do the same.
PERSONAL LIFE—PHYSICAL BODY
The heart chakra rules the thymus gland, which governs our immune system. I knew that it would be a very good idea at this time to focus my attentions on taking care of my physical body. I ate healthy, meditated, practiced Yoga or Tai Chi, and daily wrote out my feelings in my journal. I believe that it was these practices that saved my health. That is, along with a long hard look at my dark side—depression! There was in anchor in my heart that needed to be removed. That anchor was made of fear, and it expressed itself as depression.
FINAL INITIATION OF THE FOURTH STEP
Interestingly, although the heart chakra is about being in relationships, my final initiation was about being alone. Isn’t that where all our relationships begin—with ourselves? My husband had an opportunity to take a job where he would be away. We would only be able to see each other on Sunday afternoons when he would be in town.
For months before that, my inner voice had been whispering, “You know, you never have lived alone.” Well, now I faced that challenge. We needed the money, my husband needed the experience and I needed to totally focus on my children—at last. Little did I know that my real focus would be on myself and my life long battle with depression.
All my life my depression had hidden within my emotional dramas, mental challenges, and my busy, busy life. Now, I was not working very hard, the kids were in school or otherwise involved in being teenagers and for a lot of time I was alone—that is alone with my depression. I could, of course, find more dramas to tack my depression onto, but the reality is that depression is a mind/body illness, and I had been depressed since I was a child. Since I was a child I had felt different and alone. I wanted to go “Home,” but I didn’t know where Home was. I only knew that it was not in that house, or that planet or even that dimension.
The physical world had always scared me. Too many people were mean, and I lived in constant fear of not fitting in. Of course this struggle was silent. To someone looking from the outside, I probably looked like a “lucky,” middle class girl, in a nice home, from a good family. However, as a teenager I had daily thoughts about suicide and felt totally alone with even the most “popular” group. I tried to solve my depression by getting married, by having children, by getting a career, by getting married again etc., etc. However, doing something is not the cure for depression.
Depression was, and still is, my dark side. It is the excuse I can give myself for being a victim. “They” are the enemy. “They” are the reason why I live in fear and unhappiness. Before I could open my heart chakra and step into my role as mentor, I had to face my own dark side and make it my friend. I meditated, I cried, I screamed, I released oceans of pain. “Take this from me,” I called to my higher guidance. “I can no longer tolerate this feeling of not being good enough, of not being HOME.” But “Home” was some place far away, unreachable, unattainable. I was a victim to my choice to incarnate. The part of me that had remembered my Multidimensional SELF had become my enemy. Now I had to find a way to forgive the world and to forgive myself for being a part of it.
I had nowhere to hide now, not in a relationship, not in school, not in work and not in my children. I had to face my own pain alone. I had to accept that my pain/fear was real, even if I could not yet understand why it was so intense. And release it I did. How did I release it? I felt it; I felt all the feelings that had been hiding in my unconscious for my entire life. It was not fun.
In fact it was awful, but it was also a relief to finally let the dam break, to let my happy face crack, and to allow myself to feel how I really felt. It took a lot of courage, and enough love for myself to allow my honest feelings to the surface. Fortunately, my inner guidance was strong and held my hand throughout the entire process. Gradually, as I allowed my unconscious self to communicate my “bad” feelings to my conscious self, my depression subsided.
Then I began to have dreams. The house we lived in was small and the landlady was “crazy” and invasive. She stalked my “nest,” invaded my world and was a constant source of agitation in my life. I was already deeply missing my real Home, and the landlady (a projection my own “craziness”) was making my earthly home uninhabitable. However, I thought I should stay where I was for my son who was still in high school. Then one day my son said, “Mom, when are we going to leave this place?” Simultaneously, the landlady raised the rent by hundreds of dollars, and a realtor called me to look at a new place.
I had been having nightly dreams about a dream house right by the ocean. The last dream I had had was that I had moved into my new home. It was blocks from a beautiful ocean cove and had a great view. In the dream, I was getting ready to go to bed and was walking to lock the door when a feeling of deep, joyous thanksgiving overcame me. I fell to my knees and said, “Thank you God for this beautiful home!”
I went to the house that the realtor had told me about. It had been vacant for 6 weeks, and the owners were desperate to rent it. I knew that it was within my price range—barely. When I went there, I saw that it was 1-½ blocks from the beach. I entered the house alone, as my husband was still working away and walked up a strangely familiar stairway. When I entered the living room I saw a gorgeous view. I fell to my knees and said, ”Thank you God for this beautiful home.” It was a few days later when I was standing on the beach with my friend that I remembered the dream because it was exactly the same cove as in my dream.
When we moved into our new house I installed the “no junk” law. Anything that was old or unnecessary did not make the cut into the new house. While during my final shipment of boxes to our new home I heard my inner guidance say in a voice so clear it sounded physical, “Congratulations, you have completed your karma with landlords.” I lived in that house for almost seventeen years, and the house and the landlords were always wonderful.
The initiation of my heart chakra allowed me to clear much of the old fear and sorrow of not being in my true “Home” in the higher dimensions. It was through surrendering that fear to my higher expression of SELF that I allowed the love of my heart to manifest a perfect “Home” in the physical world. Most important of all, I learned that HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS!
THE FOURTH PILLAR OF LIGHT
As we move toward the fourth pillar, we feel a warming in the exact place in our heart where we have always hidden dread. Can it be that we are actually feeling alive and happy, not once in awhile, or in between moments of desperation and pain, but happy and peaceful for most of the time?
Happy and peaceful, not because we got something or did something or because someone special cared about us, but happy because we are alive. Can we dare to allow our self to feel good, simply because we are our SELF—no matter what, no matter where, no matter why?
Carefully, with a growing excitement, we approach the fourth pillar. Tentatively, we look into its crystal, but the images seem to change and swirl around into different forms and pictures. But, slowly, very slowly, one image becomes clearer than the rest. What can it be?
At first it looks like a basket and then it seems to be a funnel. Then we realize, with tears in our eyes, that it is a cornucopia. A horn of plenty in our heart! And flowing from that cornucopia is everything that we could ever need or desire. How can we deserve this? What have we done?
“It is your birthright,” we hear from deep within. “However, you need to reach the fourth pillar of becoming your SELF before you love your self enough to accept this gift and unselfish enough to use its harvest for the good of all.”
Can we accept this gift? Can we bear the responsibility of all this freedom? Can we remember our treasure when we believe that we need something, or will we slip back into old attitudes of desire and impatience? Now that there are no limitations to hide behind, what can possibly be our excuse for failure?
But, of course, there can be no failure when there is no need. No need to get, or do, or be. No drive to fulfill, or goal to achieve. No struggle to overcome, or reason to force us on. We can stop now. We can stop needing, wanting, trying because it is already received, finished, achieved.
Suddenly this gift seems like a curse. How could we return to our mundane life with this knowledge of completeness? We would be completely and utterly different from everyone, or, at least, everyone that we have known so far. We can tell no one, for they would think we are arrogant or insane.
However, strangely enough, we don’t care what THEY think. We don’t need THEIR approval. We don’t fear THEIR contempt. We are totally confused, yet we don’t care. We don’t need to understand, and we don’t need to—need. We are free—free of desire. There is nothing to desire because we have it all!
How can we function on the physical plane without the element of desire? With that question, a deep peace overtakes us. Yes, that is the answer. Without desire, we will have peace—peace of mind, peace of emotions, and peace of body. Without desire, we will peacefully accept what our SELF, our Soul/SELF, assigns to us from moment to moment. There is no need to try or to struggle. All we have to DO IS remember that we ARE complete, and we are FREE!
If only we can love our SELF enough to release the habit of needing to know that WE ALREADY HAVE IT ALL.
Arise my ones do hear my call
The time has come for one and all
To hear my plea, to know my name
I am the Goddess of this Earth plane
From high above our earth’s vibrations
There is assistance to save our nations
Listen now and do not fear
The answers are for those who hear
And now, my ones, the time is nigh
The Goddess needs you – hear my cry
For those who don’t, I cannot save
One is the master or the slave
The time has come to pick which side
One can no longer run nor hide
The Truth is now, the Power’s here
Do you follow Love or follow Fear?
Against my form no longer sin
This is the chance to begin again
To wash my surface clear of mire
For, of the greed, I now do tire
Hear my call and join my force
Arise my One,
NOW make this choice!
I, the Goddess, am as indestructible as I am infinite.
However, I weary of this low vibration
and do not wish to be limited to it much longer.
For eons, I have tried to maintain my resonance.
Yet, I slowly grew denser and denser,
as my human inhabitants fell deeper and deeper into their forgetfulness.
Now, I will raise my Heart to its highest expression,
and I wish my children to join me.
But I can’t wait much longer.
The moment is NOW!
I need all of you to focus your intention in that direction.
It is time that you remember who you are
and accept the full power of that awareness.
If you listen to me at regular intervals, I shall give you direct messages.
I AM GAIA
GODDESS OF EARTH