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SITE MAP/ MEDITATION AND SONG PLAYERS
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~OR~ This is the story of a group of children who each live inside their adults. These children have a great deal of power because most of the adults that they live in don't know that they are there. And, worst of all, they don't realize that the children are the ones who have programmed their minds. The adults think that they did it. These children have tried to tell their adults that they are in them, but the adults refuse to listen. They are too "busy." Well, the children are busy too. They have to make sure that the program they wrote in order to survive a situation in which they had NO power keeps functioning exactly as it has for decade, after decade, after decade. Now, these children are very smart. They looked around at the world that they lived in, figured out the family rules, even the unspoken ones, and made a program to protect themselves from getting in trouble. Generally, these programs worked pretty well, but sometimes the parents kept changing the rules. Then, the kids still got in trouble. That is why some kids are "bad." Their parents were just too unpredictable and their environment too changing. But even if they couldn't stay out of trouble, this was often because it was a family rule for them to be "bad," they could usually come up with a program to protect themselves. These programs worked so well that they became core beliefs. So what is a core belief? A core belief is a program that a child created that served to protect them in the situation in which they lived. It is too bad that the children who created these core beliefs don't know that the situation has changed now. I wonder why their adults haven't told them. The answer is simple. The adults don't know that the children even live in them. Unfortunately, even if the adult does know about his or her child, the adult tends to treat the inner child exactly the way their parents treated them as children. So, even though the adult that the child lives in has changed his or her life, the child's environment is the same. Will these children ever get what they need?
EXAMPLES: SAM Sam was adopted because his parents could not have children. However, shortly after they adopted him, his mother became pregnant. Then Sam had a sister. Whether, his mother actually favored his sister, or if Sam just believed it, made no difference to him. Sam felt like he could not get his mother's love and he settled for getting her attention. He "tried" to be good, but to him it appeared that he only got her attention when he was "bad". Therefore, Sam decided to be bad! Also, Sam's mother was a very nervous woman who showed no emotions and did not nurture Sam. Sam wanted to save his mother from her difficult life, but he could not even save himself because he had decided to be bad in order to get her attention. Sam speaks: Sam's Core Belief is: Sam saw that his mother's life was a struggle and he couldn't help her or even make her happy. The only time that she even seemed to care about him was when he was in trouble. Sam wanted his mother's love more than positive reinforcement from others. Therefore, he was ALWAYS in trouble. Sam's father also gave him attention for being in trouble by constantly bailing him out. The reality is that Sam's life was easy. He did not have to have a job, pay his rent, or get along with his boss. Sam's entire "struggle" was with trying NOT to be bad. At the same time, he feared that he was on his own and that no one would care for him. He reinforced that belief by picking fights with everyone who tried to help him. Sam was unable to release his core belief. His addiction to cocaine robbed him of ALL his personal power. Whenever he started to experience success, he sabotaged himself. He even rode his bike in front of a car (an accident). Then he was in trouble again and had to be taken care of by others. Sam created a core belief of "life is a
struggle" so that he could get attention and love, but the negative core belief
that got him attention as a child robbed him of any happiness in his adult life. SANDY Sandy is the older of two daughters. Her
father traveled all week long and Sandy was alone with her mother and younger
sister. Sandy's mother became very ill and actually died while Sandy was "taking
care of her". Sandy's father continued to work out of town, even after her
mother died, and left 11-year-old Sandy home alone to take care of her younger
sister. Sandy lived in constant fear that the authorities would find out and put
her and her sister in an orphanage. Sandy speaks: Sandy's Core Belief is: Sandy's core belief kept her constantly
vigilant so that she would not have to leave her home. Today, her father would
be put in jail for abandonment, but it was several decades ago and in another
country. Sandy's core belief also kept her very busy working, which protected
her from the secret fear that it was "her fault" that her mother died. Sandy learned responsibility at a very young
age and was able to have a successful life, but she was very controlling because
she had to make sure that EVERYHING was perfect. However, when her adult was
able to console her 11 year old self and tell her that it was NOT her fault that
Mom died, she was able to release her old core belief. Now Sandy has learned to
relax and have a happier life. THE ADULT LIVES, AND
RE-LIVES THE LIFE ISSUE Don't the adults see that the same life
issues seem to re-appear over and over again? Well, of course, they do. But it's
not their fault. They are "trying" as hard as they can! If only they could speak
to their child. Perhaps then they could learn about the first time that this
problem arose and about the mental program that the child created to protect
them from it. Then the adults would no longer be victims to their lives. If the
adults spoke to their child, they could remember how it all began. Then they
could see how they create the very life issues that they busily try to avoid. Now, why would one want to create a problem
for themselves? The answer is--because it isn't really a problem. Actually, what
is happening is that a life lesson is being played over and over until it is
solved. However, the adults are unaware of what the original lesson was and it
has become more difficult to discern the lesson after it has been repeated so
many times. Like a Xeroxed copy that has been duplicated too many times, the
original message becomes more and more difficult to understand each time it is
played out. Along with this group of children is a very
brave group of adults who are willing to listen to the child inside of them.
Perhaps, they can find out how and why they created these core beliefs. These
beliefs have been the template for the "problems" that they have repeated more
times than they would wish to count. They are now willing to acknowledge how
smart their child was and to thank them for creating a program which served as
protection. These courageous adults are now willing to
take responsibility for creating the life which they live. They are ready to
communicate with their inner child to discover how these old core beliefs were
created and how they have served as a foundation for the creation of their life
issues that have returned-again and again and again… Once we have decided to communicate with our
child, we must be patient. Old core beliefs have served as "survival
mechanisms," and they are not easily released. EXAMPLES: (Different names were given to
protect the individuals' privacy.) MATT Matt has a genetic
degenerative disease. His older brothers both had this same disease, and when
Matt was about seven years old he started to have symptoms himself. However,
everyone in his large family hoped that if they ignored the fact that Matt was
having these symptoms, maybe the symptoms would go away. Matt felt like they
wanted him to "go away". He was afraid that he had disappointed his family by
getting the disease so he denied the symptoms as well. Everyone's denial did not work. The symptoms
continued into Matt's adolescence. When Matt began to fall down on a regular
basis, Matt's mother didn't want him to get hurt or be embarrassed at school.
Therefore, since she did not feel there were other options, she kept Matt home
from school from the time he was 11 until he was about 14. The family then moved
to Los Angeles where greater education and services were available and Matt
began to get some help. However, the child inside of him had already learned to
be invisible. Matt's Core Belief: Matt speaks: The Child speaks: Matt's Life Issue: The adult Matt takes responsibility: These adults are willing to see how they
have created, precipitated, perpetuated, and allowed these life issues in their
realities in order to survive their environment and to protect their inner
child. ·
Most life issues were actually created in childhood and then they are continued
until the negative core belief is replaced with a positive core belief.
·
Keeping the underlying core belief unconscious where it can covertly influence
our behavior precipitates life issues. ·
We perpetuate that life issue by behaving the same way over and over again.
·
We allow the behavior and life issue to continue because it feels normal.)
Q: Matt: Q: Matt: Q: Matt: Q: Matt: Q: A: Matt, your child has had no one to talk to.
Would you like to talk to him now? Matt: "My child is quiet for a very long time. I
wait patiently." The Child Responds: Matt: The Child Responds: Matt: Matt watches his child playing until it is
time to exchange core beliefs. Then Matt calls the child over to him and gives
him a hug. Matt: "The child pulls away from me. I can tell
that he is afraid to trust me enough to give up a belief that has served him so
well. He is afraid that if he doesn't feel like he is unworthy, he will try many
new things and get hurt. "Matthew," I say as I pull him close to me
again and give him a warm hug, "Let us have a trial period. You trust me for
just a little while and I will check up on you all the time to see if you are
O.K. Is that fine with you?" The Child Responds: Matt: "The child gives me a hug and runs away to
his friends. He has decided to trust me. But now I am afraid. I am afraid that I
will disappoint him. I remember now how I used to insult him so often in my
mind. I hated him because I hated my life at that time. No wonder it was so
difficult for him to trust me. "Can I keep my word? Can I forgive myself
for how I have treated him? I remember now when I was an adolescent and was
beginning to become an adult. I hated my developing body. If I became an adult,
my disease would get worse. I was right. But it wasn't the child's fault, or the
teenager's fault, or my fault. "I will now forgive myself for growing up,
my child for staying young, and my teenager for being in the middle. We are,
after all, one person. I now take my new protection. This protection comes to me
by listening to my Soul. My new protection is SPIRITUAL. With my spiritual
protection I can listen to my Soul. There is nothing wrong with my Soul. My Soul
will continue to give me the courage to feel comfortable with myself. Then
others will feel comfortable with me as well. Then I WILL "fit in". (Matt is wheelchair bound and cannot even
"transfer" with assistance. However, he lives alone in a home, which he owns,
and works full time. He pays an assistant to assist him before work and bed.
Other than that, he lives an independent and successful life.) ANNIE (Annie has very different
reasons for having the same core belief.) Annie is a middle child. Her older sister
was a "star" and her younger brother was charismatic, at least as a child. Her
home life and childhood were happy for her. She had no apparent reason to feel
that she was unworthy which only increased her guilt. Annie went to college to enter the
profession of her parents. She then married her high school boyfriend and had
two children. It was not until her divorce that she began to deal with the fact
that she believed that she was "not worthy". Annie Speaks: "Unless I have a context: I'm someone's
sister, I'm a professional educator, or I'm a mother, I don't feel comfortable.
My weight is a big issue for me. I feel I am not physically attractive and I
can't imagine another person wanting to spend time with me. My experience has
always been that my most positive relationships have been based on my meeting
other's needs. I don't always know how to meet my own needs and when I do, or
when I ask others to, I feel tremendous guilt. I am certain that I don't deserve
to ask for what I want or to even get it for myself. "I can't have a positive relationship with
myself or with others in my personal life. However, I have a good relationship
with those that I work with, my children, and my sister. But then I have a
context. I don't have to be me. I can be the person that I am to them. Who is
the person that I am to myself? I fear that I abandoned myself in order to make
others love me!" Annie's Core Belief: The Child Speaks: The Adult Annie takes responsibility: Annie's Life Issue: Q) Do you know how you created your life
issue? Annie: "Because of my negativity, I never choose to
have a relationship but feel like I must wait for someone to choose me. I
therefore give away my control of who I am with. If I can't even choose who the
relationship is with, how could I ever get my needs met and actually be happy?" Q) How do you precipitate your life issue? Annie: Q)How do you perpetuate your life issue? Annie: Q)How do you allow your life issues? Annie: Q)How did your core beliefs protect you as a
child? Annie: "Therefore, I believed no one should see all
of me. I had to control part of me because if I were free, loose, and open
people wouldn't like me. Deep down, I believed that I was worthless and I feared
letting others know. So, I withheld myself and become passive until people in my
life told me what THEY wanted. Then I wouldn't feel unworthy." Q)What is another way in which you can
protect yourself? Annie: Q)Annie, would you like to talk to your
child? Annie: "The 3 year old seems to represent the few
times that I have been spontaneous and open. She seems to come out when I am
angry or slightly drunk. Most of the time, however, I am more like the older
child, timid and vulnerable. I show to the world and, usually choose to be, the
older child because it is safer. The younger child comes out like bursts of
fire. But when the smoke clears, I am usually more comfortable with the older
child's approach. "I will talk to the 6 year old, as she is
the one who needs me most. 'Hi. I am you all grown up.'" The Child does not respond. Annie: The Child does not respond. Annie: The Child does not respond. Annie: The Child does not respond. Annie: The Child Responds: Annie: "I can see so much more of your light. But,
it's hidden and you have had to protect it from the world. That is why I'm here.
I want to be here for you. I want to see all of your light (the black and the
white light) and embrace it for the goodness that it is. Because it is you, it
is valuable. I can help you by being your partner. Please share yourself with
me. "In exchange for the protection that you get
for believing that you are 'unworthy', I can offer my friendship so that you and
I can have a relationship. Would you be willing to make that exchange?" The Child Responds: Annie: The Child Responds: Annie: "As I say this sentence, I see images of her
testing me. She falls backwards and looks to see if I am there. She keeps
falling or jumping off of a cliff to see if I will catch her. I keep catching
her and she keeps jumping. She is not convinced. "Dear child inside of me, I want you to know
that I acknowledge how brave you are to take such risks and how careful you are
in making a commitment. I will use those portions of yourself in my adult life." The child responds with a shy look, but
holds back. Annie: The Child Responds: Annie: (Annie is now happily married. She and her
husband have an intimate, communicative relationship. Between them they have
five children.) LILLY (When we believe that we
must ignore the part of us that we like the best, we will NOT feel "good
enough".) Lilly grew up in a small farm town. She was
an "accident" and her mother went away to "have her" and put her up for
adoption. When Lilly was born, her mother returned home and left Lilly in an
orphanage. No one adopted her. Then her grandmother brought her home. Lilly's
mother married a man (not the father) so that he could take care of her and her
baby. Unfortunately, Lilly had already spent her first few vital months alone
and unloved. Lilly's mother was not happy and broke many
small town rules of behavior. The town watched Lilly VERY carefully to see if
she would turn out like her mother. Lilly was the oldest of many siblings. Her
father was loving, and kind to all of them, but was not able to provide much
money for the large family. Lilly took on much of the responsibility of her
younger siblings while she determined to prove to the town that she was "good
enough". Lilly's Core Belief: Lilly Speaks: "When I was a child, I had many experiences
of a great white light that came to me. When I described these experiences to
other people, they ridiculed me. Gradually, I became afraid when the white light
came thundering to me because it made me feel too different. Therefore, when the
white light came, I began to hold my ears and close my eyes so that I couldn't
hear the loud noise or see the bright light. "I thought that if the noise stopped and I
couldn't see the white light anymore I would be accepted by everyone. But
another side of me was angry for stopping the white light, and I lashed out at
others and at myself. The conflict between these two parts of myself (the part
that stopped the light and the part that was angry because I stopped the light)
gave birth to a third me: the 'I'm not good enough me'. Then the angry me got
really angry and said, 'I don't want to be not good enough.' "The first me just wanted everyone inside my
head to calm down and deal with it!! 'You can't have everything,' the voice
said. 'If you invite the white light into your life you will be different and no
one will want you.' "However, when I kept the white light out,
then I became VERY angry and no one wanted me that way either. Therefore, I had
to keep the white light out and not even allow myself to feel how angry that
made me. I learned that if I pleased myself, I displeased others. Then, of
course, I believed that if I were 'good enough' I wouldn't have that conflict in
the first place." Lilly's Life Issue: Lilly so wanted acceptance and love from the
people in her life that she was willing to sacrifice the most important part of
herself to get it. However, once she had sacrificed the most important part of
herself, she did not have enough power to get what she wanted. Lilly Speaks to her child: Lilly: The Child Responds: Lilly: The Child Responds: Lilly: The Child Does Not Respond: Lilly: The Child Does Not Respond: Lilly: The Child Responds: The Adult Takes Responsibility: The Adult Speaks: "I PRECIPITATED my life issue because I
wanted a man to take care of me financially. I think I wanted that so much
because my father did not take care of my mother financially. But then I would
feel guilty about wanting that because I loved my father so much. Therefore, I
could have a man I loved - OR - I could have a man who provided money. Again, I
would have to sacrifice something to get what I wanted. I didn't deserve to get
both because I wasn't good enough." "I PERPETUATED the problem by repeatedly
picking a man who would make me feel bad about myself. Then I would hold myself
back in my career to 'make him happy'. Therefore, I could not have enough
success or money in my career because I was holding back. Then I would become
disillusioned with my life. Since I sacrificed my white light so that "they"
would not judge me, I felt like a failure. Then I would pick a man who agreed
with my opinion of myself." "I ALLOWED this process to continue because
I had lost my power when I gave up the white light. Then I was powerless to
change my situation, so I just allowed it." The Child Responds: The Adult Speaks: The Child Responds: Lilly is now in love with someone from the
hometown that she ran away from. In loving him, she is learning to love the part
of herself that she believed was "not good enough."
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