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NEWSLETTER

The Unconscious

Physical Body Door

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Spiritual Guidance Door

MATT

Matt has a genetic degenerative disease. His older brothers both had this same disease, and when Matt was about seven years old he started to have symptoms himself. However, everyone in his large family hoped that if they ignored the fact that Matt was having these symptoms, maybe the symptoms would go away. Matt felt like they wanted him to "go away". He was afraid that he had disappointed his family by getting the disease so he denied the symptoms as well.

Everyone's denial did not work. The symptoms continued into Matt's adolescence. When Matt began to fall down on a regular basis. Matt's mother didn't want him to get hurt or be embarrassed at school. Therefore, since she did not feel there were other options, she kept Matt home from school from the time he was 11 until he was about 14. The family then moved to Los Angeles where greater education and services were available and Matt began to get some help. However, the child inside of him had already learned to be invisible.

Matt's Core Belief:
"I am unworthy."

Matt speaks:
"I am invisible and I don't matter. I'm having a hard time talking about why I believe that I am unworthy. I feel like I am invisible because no one wanted to see that my soul was screaming, 'I'm lonely. I need you. What is happening to me? What did I do so wrong to deserve what is happening to me? I'LL BE GOOD!'"

The Child speaks:
"I feel like I don't fit in. It is hard for me to believe that I deserve anything or that I have any worth. I don't believe that I'm smart enough or that I deserve good things. I guess I never expect anything and I know that nothing is expected of me."

Matt's Life Issue:
"I don't fit in."

The adult Matt takes responsibility:

(These adults are willing to see how they have created, precipitated, perpetuated, and allowed these life issues in their realities in order to survive their environment and to protect their inner child.

Most life issues were actually created in childhood and then they are continued until the negative core belief is replaced with a positive core belief.

Keeping the underlying core belief unconscious where it can covertly influence our behavior precipitates life issues.

We perpetuate that life issue by behaving the same way over and over again.

We allow the behavior and life issue to continue because it feels normal.)

Q:
Matt, how have you created your life issue?

Matt:
The genetic disease created the problem. I felt like I didn't fit in because my disease made me different. And, because of my disease, I felt unworthy. If the disease were not there, I still might have felt I didn't fit in, but there is no way to test that theory.

Q:
How have you precipitated your life issue?

Matt:
Because I felt unworthy, I withdrew from others. The more I withdrew, the more insecure and fearful I felt. Then I pushed people away from me, which made me feel lonely. Then, because I was so lonely, I felt like I didn't "fit in".

Q:
How have you perpetuated your life issue?

Matt:
I felt like something was wrong with me, I felt uncomfortable with my physical condition. This made other people feel uncomfortable. When I make others feel uncomfortable, I felt like I didn't fit in

Q:
How have you allowed your life issue?

Matt:
I ignored the Soul inside of me. Therefore, others ignored it as well. Then I felt like no one knew or understood me, and not fitting in became normal.

Q:
How did your core belief of being unworthy protect you when you were a child and as an adult?

A:
I did not feel worthy enough to go out into the world because I knew that I was different and would not fit in. Therefore, it protected me from the hardships of life. Because my family denied that there was a problem, so did I. However, as I had more and more symptoms, I felt like "defective merchandise". I could not control what was happening to my body so how could I have control of my life? As long as I believed that I was unworthy and I could not fit in, I did not have to try to take control of my life and face possible failure.

Matt, your child has had no one to talk to. Would you like to talk to him now?

Matt:
"Yes I would. I see the child in front of me. He is about seven or eight years old. He is sitting in a chair in front of me and is wearing a blue shirt. 'I am you, all grown up,' I say to him as I look deeply into his eyes. From my wheelchair we are at the same level. "I have come inside myself today to find you and tell you what a good job you have been doing taking care of me.

"My child is quiet for a very long time. I wait patiently."

The Child Responds:
"I don't know if I can believe this man. He scares me because he has a wheelchair like my big brothers. I guess it must be true that I have to have one too when I grow up. I don't ever want to grow up! I will stay a child forever and ever."

Matt:
"You can stay a child forever. I will be the one in the wheelchair and you can stay a child. You can still walk and run. I can help you to be a child by making sure that you have childhood experiences like playing outside with your friends. I could never do that and I always felt lonely. I don't want you to feel lonely."

The Child Responds:
"But what if I fall?"

Matt:
"Children fall all the time. It is all right. You go play now and I will sit over here and watch you play with your friends. If you get scared, just come to me and I will give you a big hug. You are special and you will grow up to be a strong young man. You can do anything that you want. Don't forget that. I will help you!"

Matt watches his child playing until it is time to exchange core beliefs. Then Matt calls the child over to him and gives him a hug.

Matt:
"I will be taking care of you and you don't need to believe that you are unworthy anymore. I hear your calls and I want to support you.

"The child pulls away from me. I can tell that he is afraid to trust me enough to give up a belief that has served him so well. He is afraid that if he doesn't feel like he is unworthy, he will try many new things and get hurt.

"Matthew," I say as I pull him close to me again and give him a warm hug, "Let us have a trial period. You trust me for just a little while and I will check up on you all the time to see if you are O.K. Is that fine with you?"

The Child Responds:
"But I am afraid of change. If I change I won't know what will happen. I don't know any other way of being."

Matt:
"Try it for just one month - thirty days. I will check up on you every day and tell you that I love you and that you are important in my life. I promise.

"The child gives me a hug and runs away to his friends. He has decided to trust me. But now I am afraid. I am afraid that I will disappoint him. I remember now how I used to insult him so often in my mind. I hated him because I hated my life at that time. No wonder it was so difficult for him to trust me.

"Can I keep my word? Can I forgive myself for how I have treated him? I remember now when I was an adolescent and was beginning to become an adult. I hated my developing body. If I became an adult, my disease would get worse. I was right. But it wasn't the child's fault, or the teenager's fault, or my fault.

"I will now forgive myself for growing up, my child for staying young, and my teenager for being in the middle. We are, after all, one person. I now take my new protection. This protection comes to me by listening to my Soul. My new protection is SPIRITUAL. With my spiritual protection I can listen to my Soul. There is nothing wrong with my Soul. My Soul will continue to give me the courage to feel comfortable with myself. Then others will feel comfortable with me as well. Then I WILL "fit in".

(Matt is wheelchair bound and cannot even "transfer" with assistance. However, he lives alone in a home, which he owns, and works full time. He pays an assistant to assist him before work and bed. Other than that, he lives an independent and successful life.)

CONTINUE TO ANNIE